Seeing my own Reflection in Ignatius's Life

What makes Ignatius of Loyola such a compelling figure and role model to this day is his deep humanity and vast array of experiences. He was a man who played just about every role one can play in life: noble, courtier, knight, soldier, "partier"/philanderer, ascetic nomad, spiritual guide, religious leader; and he carried out all of occupations with the same unwavering dedication. As someone who, as a young man, was sure what he wanted in life, and had was world turned upside down by an unforeseeable catastrophe that forced him to reconsider his entire direction, Ignatius can be related with by us all at some point in our lives. For me, his most inspiring quality, amongst many, was his ability to pull himself out of utter confusion and desolation and have the strength to carry on and climb the  intimidating mountain to find his true vocation.

When I reflect on Ignatius's life, what I relate to the most is his desire, in the midst of his own confusion, to search for his higher calling, not simply to go through life comfortably and blindly without discerning where our passions and skills intersect. Throughout my college years, I have had a lot of difficulty deciding what I should do with my life; I switched majors three times in my first two years, and I have gone through a long list of career ideas. I do not feel regret over this "lost" time, because, like Ignatius (though admittedly in a significantly different capacity), I was exploring different areas and identities, and seeing if my current place in life brought me consolation or desolation.

                                    (Loyola Univeristy, period of indecision and confusion...)
                       
 Although this formative period (which, to be sure, is still happening, just in a more advanced stage) had its place in my life, I see now that I was not going about the problem of pursuing my life's direction in the right way; what I needed was actual discernment and self-reflection, and not adolescent whims and delusions. Through Ignatius's example, I now understand that I should not have been looking for a set career to pursue for the rest of my life, but a goal that passionately burns inside me, that will guide me on a journey to finding my purpose.

                                    (Trying to reach the distant illuminating sun...)

While I have a clearer vision of the path I will take now, compared to my first three years of college, I still do not pretend to have found all of the answers. I still see myself as the young Ignatius, trying to discern how my piece fits into the larger puzzle. The main difference between myself and Ignatius at this stage in our lives is that I have not yet endured a true "cannonball" experience in my young adult life, and so perhaps the path that I feel I am currently on will shift drastically in two years, or five years. For the time being, I will continue moving forward with "one leg in the air" (or however the Ignatian saying goes), open to opportunities that may manifest themselves along the sprawling path that is the rest of my life.