Who am I supposed to be?

As easy as some people find it to brag about themselves on a superficial level, flaunting information related to the size of their bank account, their car, or the number of women they sleep with, it is incredibly difficult to take an honest look in the mirror and deeply reflect on what parts of us actually make us who we are. Outwardly expressing what we find in an impartial way is even more difficult, as we must step out of ourselves and look at ourselves in the way that other people who don't inhabit our brains are capable of. How can we differentiate between what we are objectively gifted in, and what we think we are gifted in? In the latter scenario, we deeply want to be gifted in some area, and so we train our brain to believe that we actually are. Sometimes it has seemed to me that we can only come to know our gifts through the opinions of those around us, that we are good at something because everyone says that we are.


As I have grown a little older, and have become a little more self-assured, I realize the inherent falsity of this notion. We can come to know the gifts that have been bestowed upon as that makes us the unique beings that we are; what remains is the enormous challenge of discernment. I am now at a point in my life where I feel the need to look inside and figure out for myself what my strengths are, and how I can best use these strengths to make a positive contribution to the world before leaving it.

Looking at myself from the outside (as best as I can), I find that my most important gifts are all related to the goal of living for and helping others. I am able to see the best in people, in spite of their deep flaws (which we all have), and care deeply about their happiness. I have a strong passion for and understanding for art and cultural in its various mediums, and from where I stand today, I believe that perhaps my purpose in life is to transmit and fight for equitable access to art and cultural education, because for too long art has been exclusive and seen as something for the elite and intelligentsia, and I am tired of this. My dream would be for people from all socioeconomic, ethnic, racial, etc. backgrounds to be able to enjoy the same access to culture, and to not only have a dominant culture imposed on them, but to be able to contribute to the culture, to have their own voice in the larger conversation. Essentially, I want to improve the lives of others and create an inclusive environment through access to art and culture, because I know that art has improved my life, and I hold a deeply rooted conviction that it can for everyone else. Although I am not technically religious, I do like the conception of artistic creation as humans continuing the creative process that God began; creating truly beautiful and meaningful art and sharing it with humanity is, after all, one of the highest accomplishments.

I have not yet figured out how I will accomplish this goal, but I can see it being the work of a lifetime. Using my passion and skills for serving and understanding others, and cultural knowledge and appreciation, I believe that I could make a difference in the lives of others. I don't want to live only for myself anymore; this is a childish approach to life that Ignatius managed to shrug after his battle injury at Pamplona, and I aim to follow his lead.