Seeing my own Reflection in Ignatius's Life

What makes Ignatius of Loyola such a compelling figure and role model to this day is his deep humanity and vast array of experiences. He was a man who played just about every role one can play in life: noble, courtier, knight, soldier, "partier"/philanderer, ascetic nomad, spiritual guide, religious leader; and he carried out all of occupations with the same unwavering dedication. As someone who, as a young man, was sure what he wanted in life, and had was world turned upside down by an unforeseeable catastrophe that forced him to reconsider his entire direction, Ignatius can be related with by us all at some point in our lives. For me, his most inspiring quality, amongst many, was his ability to pull himself out of utter confusion and desolation and have the strength to carry on and climb the  intimidating mountain to find his true vocation.

When I reflect on Ignatius's life, what I relate to the most is his desire, in the midst of his own confusion, to search for his higher calling, not simply to go through life comfortably and blindly without discerning where our passions and skills intersect. Throughout my college years, I have had a lot of difficulty deciding what I should do with my life; I switched majors three times in my first two years, and I have gone through a long list of career ideas. I do not feel regret over this "lost" time, because, like Ignatius (though admittedly in a significantly different capacity), I was exploring different areas and identities, and seeing if my current place in life brought me consolation or desolation.

                                    (Loyola Univeristy, period of indecision and confusion...)
                       
 Although this formative period (which, to be sure, is still happening, just in a more advanced stage) had its place in my life, I see now that I was not going about the problem of pursuing my life's direction in the right way; what I needed was actual discernment and self-reflection, and not adolescent whims and delusions. Through Ignatius's example, I now understand that I should not have been looking for a set career to pursue for the rest of my life, but a goal that passionately burns inside me, that will guide me on a journey to finding my purpose.

                                    (Trying to reach the distant illuminating sun...)

While I have a clearer vision of the path I will take now, compared to my first three years of college, I still do not pretend to have found all of the answers. I still see myself as the young Ignatius, trying to discern how my piece fits into the larger puzzle. The main difference between myself and Ignatius at this stage in our lives is that I have not yet endured a true "cannonball" experience in my young adult life, and so perhaps the path that I feel I am currently on will shift drastically in two years, or five years. For the time being, I will continue moving forward with "one leg in the air" (or however the Ignatian saying goes), open to opportunities that may manifest themselves along the sprawling path that is the rest of my life.

What to take out of a Liberal Arts, Jesuit Education

Although all twelve ideals of Jesuit education apply, in various degrees, to the education I have received at Loyola over the last three and a half years, I will dedicate this blog to the essential virtues of critical thinking and effective communication. In a way, I think that the other eleven ideals stem out of these.

The combination of common curriculum courses, which have included the disciplines of religious studies, philosophy, psychology, literature, international relations, and Spanish (amongst others), and my sociology major courses, have taught me to critically view the world through many different lenses and appreciate how all of these disciplines come together to form a whole. I have learned to question everything, and always look deeply into a given subject to begin to understand the structures at work that create social reality.

Paired with critical thinking are the communication skills I have acquired (or at least approved upon since high school...), as I believe the second component of learning is to be able to share what one learns with others, rather than hoarding all of this knowledge for oneself. My end of the semester presentations used to petrify me freshmen year,  but as of last year, this fear has largely passed.

When I write that the other Jesuit educational ideals flow out of critical thinking and effective communication, I mean that by learning to think critically,  I have been able to start moving past my "default setting," as the late American writer David Foster Wallace spoke about in his famous 2005 commencement address at Kenyon College, the bubble that forms around us that makes us indifferent or unaware of what is happening around us. His speech was called, "This is Water," which got its name from a short parable he tells at the beginning, in which one older fish swims by two young fish one morning, and asks them how the water is. Both of the young fish look confused, and after the old fish swims away, one asks the other, "what the hell is water?" Wallace's point is that we can become so oblivious to what is most apparent  around us, and that the most valuable skill we learn in attending a liberal arts university is the ability to think critically about what happens around us, which to him means adjusting our innate self-centered way of viewing the world into a compassionate one. To paraphrase Wallace, we cannot control what happens around us, but we can, with great effort, control how we think about and construct meaning from these events.

As I have learned to think critically at Loyola, I have opened my eyes to the structural inequality in our world and the continuous cycle of poverty that is causes, particularly for minority populations, and I have an urge to deeply engage in this inequality on an international scale. So in short, the critical thinking skills I have learned at Loyola have taught me to always be aware of the "water" surrounding me, and not become desensitized and oblivious to the processes and events happening everyday around me. I hope to keep this open and compassionate worldview with me throughout the rest of my life after graduation, a life which is rapidly approaching...

The Spiritual Exercises in the Photographs of Henri Cartier-Bresson

Week I:

 

This photograph captures the difficult process of introspection that marks the first week of the exercises, a time where retreatants must come to terms with their past failures and missed opportunities in loving God and the people closest to them, and forgive themselves in order to proceed with the freedom to pursue a higher calling with love.

Suggested musical accompaniment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AWIqXzvX-U

Week II:

 

This photograph reminds me of the Bay of Parables story Father Martin talked about, with Jesus giving his sermon from the water so that his message could reach everyone. The striking nature of this image seems to capture the Call of the King; of a powerful earthly leader calling us to join him in his radical, noble path.

Suggested musical accompaniment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5n9F0m0RY8U

Weel III:

Here the sorrow and difficulty retreatants during the third week is evoked, as they follow Jesus in his Passion. Some in this photograph have given in and lost all hope. The man in the foreground is suffering as he emphasizes with Jesus in his pain and sacrifice, but he seems to me to still have the drive somewhere inside to continue down the harsh path and find hope and love at the end.

Suggested musical accompaniment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeMwi5-eofs

Week IV:

For me, this image beautifully captures resurrection, hope, gratitude, and love, the key virtues explored in the final week of the Spiritual Exercises. The photograph is at once grand and simple, which is how I would imagine Jesus's resurrection, as it doesn't seem to me that He would want to make a show; it evokes hope subtly, because after the exercises there is a lifetime (symbolized by the vast landscape) of continued struggle that follows, but the image of the exalted child symbolizes that there is hope in this journey.

Suggested musical accompaniment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiBM7-8vqZ8&index=1&list=PLNHuGMVvDhp0FNk8ki2l90oPkDNEflVwj

Hero in the Urban Slums of the World

Sitting here right now, if I were to respond to the call of an earthly hero to join in a mission, it would be that of Jockin Arputham, founder and president of Slum Dwellers International. SDI is a network of global urban slum development organizations, with the goal of empowering the citizens of the world's urban slum to have a voice in the how their communities develop. Arputham's dream was to create global solidarity amongst the world's urban poor, forming a unified voice to show governmental organizations that they possess the knowledge to participate in community development, firmly believing that urban poverty will never be reduced without the cooperation of those living through it.


Arputham's community urban planning and development work on an international scale exemplifies Ignatius's notion of "good, noble deeds." Like Ignatius, he lives with "a foot off of the ground," (or in the air, I don't remember actually), traveling to urban slums around the world wherever the opportunity to affect change surfaces. His work is particularly appealing to me, as I have lately entertained the idea of pursuing urban planning based in participatory community development, urban regeneration, and cultural preservation. I also have a strong interest in foreign cultures, and would like to embark on a career that would allow me to live in countries wildly different from the one where I grew up in, and so Arputham's mission seems to align very closely with mine.

Although my mission remains vague, I strongly feel that I want to work in and with communities, having a deep understanding of their various histories and cultures, and dedicating my career to improving quality of life, increasing opportunity, preserving culture, and ensuring open access to education and artistic expression to all of its citizens. I hope to began my answer to this Call next year by making my first radical move, to the Cidade Maravilhosa itself, Rio de Janeiro, as I mentioned in my last reflection paper.

Accepting Ignatius's indifference to move past our own indifference

“We should not fix our desires on health or sickness, wealth or poverty, success or failure, a long life or a short one.” - Ignatius of Loyola, on indifference

These words of Ignatius of Loyola pose a challenge of unbelievable magnitude to probably just about anyone who reads them. He is quite literally telling us not to place importance on the very things we have been taught to cultivate and value most in life. It goes without saying that I have failed in this challenge up to this point, as we all have. 

I admit that I was initially hesitant to accept Ignatius' indifference, because I had misunderstood what he really meant. He did not advocate indifference to the world around us, but to the things in our life that tend to preoccupy us, and distract us from our higher purpose that God has planned for us. I then saw that this "indifference" to our well-being actually translates into the opposite of indifference; love and action for the betterment of our fellow man. 

 

Ignatius is warning us not to let ourselves be guided by material concerns when trying to find our path in life; all of these concerns combine together to form a mass of dissonance and confusion that prevent us from true discernment. I have not adopted wealth as a false god, however I am guilty of placing too much importance on health, success, and a long life. I cannot seem to find the exact quote, but I remember reading a quote from German filmmaker Werner Herzog, that expressed his admiration for people who did not try to preserve themselves, who lived their lives free from those kinds of constraints. Ignatius' teachings have made me think of this notion in a new light; to truly be free and capable of pursuing my higher purpose, to love fully the people who I am close to, I must drop my attachments to personal well-being in a material sense, and focus on the end rather than the means. Perhaps if I focus on the ultimate goal that transcends material attachments, these material things will take care of themselves. 

I have noticed how my attachments relating to self-preservation have come up when I have considered going to serve in parts of the world affected by disease and famine. I need to move past this if I am to achieve this balance and freedom so valued by Ignatius. I also feel attachments to the people in my life, which I think Ignatius would approve of, as these sorts of attachments are not material, however I do find myself thinking how I can see myself making serious decisions in my life as far as where I will go, largely based on where my loved ones will be. I would like to get to a place where I can find a balance between my attachments for people, and what I feel I must do to get closer to my purpose and my God, whatever that means. With "one foot in the air" as Ignatius put it, is how I want to go through life, always ready to go where I can do the most good, without worrying so much about my own material attachments to health and success. This will be an ongoing and incredibly difficult challenge, but certainly one worth fighting to achieve, for only then will I be able to fully love through my work and actions.

Who am I supposed to be?

As easy as some people find it to brag about themselves on a superficial level, flaunting information related to the size of their bank account, their car, or the number of women they sleep with, it is incredibly difficult to take an honest look in the mirror and deeply reflect on what parts of us actually make us who we are. Outwardly expressing what we find in an impartial way is even more difficult, as we must step out of ourselves and look at ourselves in the way that other people who don't inhabit our brains are capable of. How can we differentiate between what we are objectively gifted in, and what we think we are gifted in? In the latter scenario, we deeply want to be gifted in some area, and so we train our brain to believe that we actually are. Sometimes it has seemed to me that we can only come to know our gifts through the opinions of those around us, that we are good at something because everyone says that we are.


As I have grown a little older, and have become a little more self-assured, I realize the inherent falsity of this notion. We can come to know the gifts that have been bestowed upon as that makes us the unique beings that we are; what remains is the enormous challenge of discernment. I am now at a point in my life where I feel the need to look inside and figure out for myself what my strengths are, and how I can best use these strengths to make a positive contribution to the world before leaving it.

Looking at myself from the outside (as best as I can), I find that my most important gifts are all related to the goal of living for and helping others. I am able to see the best in people, in spite of their deep flaws (which we all have), and care deeply about their happiness. I have a strong passion for and understanding for art and cultural in its various mediums, and from where I stand today, I believe that perhaps my purpose in life is to transmit and fight for equitable access to art and cultural education, because for too long art has been exclusive and seen as something for the elite and intelligentsia, and I am tired of this. My dream would be for people from all socioeconomic, ethnic, racial, etc. backgrounds to be able to enjoy the same access to culture, and to not only have a dominant culture imposed on them, but to be able to contribute to the culture, to have their own voice in the larger conversation. Essentially, I want to improve the lives of others and create an inclusive environment through access to art and culture, because I know that art has improved my life, and I hold a deeply rooted conviction that it can for everyone else. Although I am not technically religious, I do like the conception of artistic creation as humans continuing the creative process that God began; creating truly beautiful and meaningful art and sharing it with humanity is, after all, one of the highest accomplishments.

I have not yet figured out how I will accomplish this goal, but I can see it being the work of a lifetime. Using my passion and skills for serving and understanding others, and cultural knowledge and appreciation, I believe that I could make a difference in the lives of others. I don't want to live only for myself anymore; this is a childish approach to life that Ignatius managed to shrug after his battle injury at Pamplona, and I aim to follow his lead.

Magis

“One rare and exceptional deed is worth far more than a thousand commonplace ones.”

-Ignatius of Loyola

To me, the above quote captures the essence of the Ignatian way of life. He aspired to reach some higher place in his life, to find a higher purpose, so that his life would have meaning and actually leave a positive impact on the earth long after his death. Considering the fact that I am writing this blog for a class on his life and teachings nearly 500 years later, I would say he succeeded. 

I deeply relate to this concept of Magis, of the importance of believing that we can make something extraordinary of our lives, for ourselves yes, but more importantly for others. In my years of trying to discern what I should do with my life, I've always had this desire in me, although I did not know it by its proper name, to do something exceptional, even if it will mean taking longer to settle in to a career. This is not an egotistical thing; I don't care if the world remembers my name after I'm gone or not, I just want my work to have a positive and lasting affect after my time here, because we only have one chance here on this earth (as far as I know) and I think it's too bad to simply settle for a comfortable, convenient career in the little town where your from, and never really think about other people and bad things that are happening in foreign lands (because it's not our problem right?)

 I love how Ignatius refused to accept mediocrity, and relentlessly searched for his extraordinary purpose in life, all the while being ridiculed and taken for a madman. While the people around him were doing the thousand commonplace deeds, he was performing the one special deed that he was able to offer the world. This is endlessly inspiring to me, to continue on the path that everyone else is too afraid to take, because you know that what you are doing actually has meaning. I hope that I can maintain the courage that Ignatius had throughout his life, and that I don't become another ex-idealistic, jaded adult, unsatisfied with my mediocre contribution to the world; I would consider that one of the most significant ways to fail in life, and a serious fear of mine. But for now I keep a fairly good attitude looking to the future. I'll try my best to embrace the uncertainty of life with open arms, and keep Ignatius words with me wherever I end up, and whatever I will be doing there.